When society equates happiness with being paired up, it can be easy to overlook the hidden treasures of single life.
But recent research suggests that flying solo isn’t just an alternative to being coupled up—it can actually be a more rewarding way of life.
Psychologist Bella DePaulo has been at the forefront of this discussion, presenting evidence that challenges our deeply ingrained ideas about what it means to be single.
Her findings point to the profound ways in which single people often lead richer, more meaningful lives than their married counterparts.
A Surprising Source of Strength
At the American Psychological Association’s annual meeting, DePaulo shared compelling insights into why single life deserves more credit.
“The preoccupation with the perils of loneliness can obscure the profound benefits of solitude,” she said.
Indeed, solitude—often viewed as a byproduct of being single—can provide powerful opportunities for self-reflection, personal growth, and deep connections.
One study DePaulo highlighted found that single people frequently maintain closer relationships with their parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and co-workers compared to those who are married.
Another study revealed they enjoy a heightened sense of self-determination and demonstrate continued growth and development well into adulthood.
These findings challenge the assumption that marriage is the default path to personal fulfillment.
Why Single Life Thrives
A pattern interrupt is crucial here: What if the cultural narrative around marriage being the ultimate goal is wrong? DePaulo’s research doesn’t just suggest this; it backs it up with data.
Single individuals often invest deeply in their communities and friendships, creating a network of relationships that’s both diverse and resilient.
This stands in contrast to some married couples, who may become insular over time.
“More than ever before, Americans can pursue the ways of living that work best for them,” DePaulo explained.
“There is no one blueprint for the good life.” This shift in perspective invites us to reconsider the societal pressure to marry and instead focus on what truly brings happiness and authenticity.
A Reality Check
Of course, single life isn’t without its challenges. DePaulo coined the term “singlism” to describe the unfair stereotypes and systemic disadvantages faced by single individuals.
These biases aren’t just cultural; they’re baked into the fabric of society.
For example, in the United States, married couples have access to over 1,000 federal benefits and protections—many of them financial—that single people do not.
“Considering all of the financial and cultural advantages people get just because they are married, it becomes even more striking that single people are doing as well as they are,” DePaulo noted.
This systemic imbalance underscores the resilience of single individuals, who thrive despite these inequities.
Why Single Lives Deserve More Attention
DePaulo’s work also sheds light on a glaring issue in academia: the lack of dedicated research on single people.
Of the thousands of studies focused on marriage, only a fraction examine single individuals as more than just a comparison group.
“Only a very small number of the studies were motivated by a desire to learn anything about single people,” she said.
This gap in research perpetuates stereotypes and limits our understanding of single life.
By focusing almost exclusively on marriage, society reinforces the idea that being single is a state to be remedied rather than celebrated.
A New Perspective on the Good Life
While DePaulo openly admits her bias in favor of single life, her findings invite us to question long-held assumptions.
The limited evidence available suggests that being single doesn’t preclude a fulfilling, meaningful existence. In fact, it may enhance it.
“What matters is not what everyone else is doing or what other people think we should be doing, but whether we can find the places, the spaces, and the people that fit who we really are and allow us to live our best lives,” DePaulo said.
This advice applies universally, whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between.
Embracing the Single Journey
Being single is not a consolation prize; it’s an opportunity to craft a life that’s uniquely yours.
Whether it’s nurturing deep relationships, pursuing personal growth, or simply enjoying the freedom to chart your own course, single life offers a wealth of possibilities.
By challenging societal norms and shedding light on the strengths of solitude, DePaulo’s work encourages us to see singlehood in a new light—not as a flaw to be fixed, but as a path to fulfillment.
