If you wanted to figure out what really matters for raising happy, successful kids, you’d need to randomly select a bunch of babies from a broad spectrum of backgrounds. Then you’d need to follow them for decades.
Only after measuring a multitude of factors about their personalities, families, schools, and neighborhoods could you tease out what mattered and what didn’t.
That sounds like a tall ask. But thanks to a team of dedicated psychologists who have been following and intimately recording the lives of more than 1,000 kids from the New Zealand town of Dunedin since 1972, we actually have such a study.
The scientists now have more than 40 years of data. What has it all revealed about how to raise well-adjusted, financially successful kids?
What 40 years of data says about raising successful kids
More than 1,000 scientific papers worth of insight, actually, as this deep-dive article from Science into the history of “one of the more comprehensive and probing investigations of human development ever conducted” makes clear.
Analyses of the Dunedin data have found that most troublemakers grow out of juvenile delinquency, that mental health problems are more common than previously believed, and that early puberty is particularly stressful for girls.
It’s a grab bag of fascinating results, but which is the most useful for entrepreneur parents hoping to give their kids the best shot at a good life? Perhaps the incredible importance of building kids’ emotional intelligence for later-in-life success.
The best predictor of kids’ success? Emotional intelligence
Parents often stress about their kids’ academic performance, worth ethic, and behavior toward others. Those things are clearly important. But according to the Dunedin study, none of them is the best predictor of whether a particular child will grow up to lead a satisfying, financially stable life. Neither is the wealth, education, or socioeconomic status of the parents.
What seems to matter most is whether kids understand their emotions and manage their reactions to them constructively.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, often referred to as the godfather of emotional intelligence for his role in popularizing the concept, summed up the Dunedin findings in a recent keynote: “What they found was that in their 30s, the strongest predictor of financial success was cognitive control, stronger than IQ and stronger than the wealth of the family they grew up in. So how well you do in your life depends on your levels of cognitive control.”
EQ is a skill, not a trait.
You may have heard of the famous (if much debated) marshmallow test that asks kids to resist eating a tasty marshmallow for a few minutes to get two marshmallows later on. This is the kind of emotional intelligence Goleman and the Dunedin researchers are talking about.
It’s the ability to understand and, if necessary, override your feelings and impulses. There’s an incredible amount of science to show it impacts not just how successful kids are later in life, but how we all do in life. (For confirmation, you can ask Adam Grant or Oprah.)
Which might make you worry if you suspect your kid wouldn’t be able to resist gobbling that marshmallow. But there’s good news from Dunedin for parents. Not only did the study show just how important EQ is for kids’ later success, but it also showed that this kind of EQ isn’t an inborn trait. It can be cultivated.
“The research indicated that self-control is not only a personal trait but can also be influenced by external factors such as parenting, education, and early intervention programs. Children who receive support and guidance in developing self-control skills tend to fare better as adults. This underscores the importance of fostering these abilities from a young age,” explains pediatrician Harry Goldstein
How to cultivate your child’s EQ
There’s plenty of advice out there on how parents can support the development of their kid’s EQ. Tips include helping your child talk through their emotions and empathizing with them, modeling curiosity and humility, and even exposing them to art and literature as a way to think through the complexities of being human.
Read up on fostering emotional intelligence by following the links above for more information, but the essential takeaway for parents from the Dunedin study is just how valuable EQ is for kids.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being nice or even keeled. It’s a fundamental skill that greatly impacts how well kids do emotionally and financially. Which means parents should probably pay as much attention to it as they do to report cards and manners.
Source: inc.com
